Sunset Gazette - September 3006

ANOAA EXTREME WEATHER ALERT

Severe thunderstorm and hail warnings for

Beaver County and Dog County.

Local Weather Report

Click on the name of the town to see its weather report for this week.

Weather report provided by the Animalia National Oceanic and Atmospheric Accosiation (ANOAA).

Whisker Valley - Three porkers disrupted the annual End of Summer Fair yesterday when they escaped their owner, Rancher Nathaniel John Streamelle, who owns the land where the fair is held.

Naturally, the pigs headed straight for the tent where the bake-off was being held. They knocked over several tables, sending cakes flying everywhere. While most of the cakes were devoured by the pigs, one triple-caramel carrot cake landed smack on the head of the head of Mrs. Daffodil Watercress, the wife of the Watercress Village mayor.

"That was my best dress, too!" Mrs. Watercress excalimed.

Due to the mess, the bake-off was rescheduled for tomorrow, giving the contestants enough time to pull out their recipe cards and re-bake their entry.

After rampaging through the nake-off area, several fair goers chased after the renagade porkers. The pigs hid in the ferris wheel just as it was starting.

Once the controller spotted the pigs, he stopped the ride to get them out. As he opened the car gate, the pigs took off again. For three hours, the pigs illuded capture. Fianlly, three strapping young jackalopes who were competing in the rodeo, Rick, Thomas, and Al Clementine, wrestled the pigs to the ground.

The three were awarded a special prize for catching the pigs And it turns out that the crowd enjoyed the chase so much, that greased pig catching will be added to the list of rodeo events next year. The three pigs were returned to to their owner.

Four more days of festivities remain until the end of the fair. Anyone who would like more information, please call 555-6578.

How did the pigs get out? Click here!

Sunflower Seed Shortage Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be;

Police Bust Multi-Million Dollar Embezzlement Scheme

Miniscule County – A reported sunflower seed shortage shook up Miniscule County this week when citizens received a notice from Cluckworth’s Seed Company that the recent drought had halted seed production. According to the letter, they were out of sunflower seeds and would not be getting any more for the rest of the year.

“This is terrible! Sunflower seeds are a main ingredient in most of my dishes. With the shortage in seed production, I don’t know what I will do!” Many believe this is a national crisis. A request had even been made to Radish Isle for seeds to be shipped to the mainland, since sunflowers are one of their annual crops. Then, cops uncovered something incredible. The whole thing was a hoax.

When asked about his feelings on the importation of sunflower seeds, the President of Cluckworth Seed, Michael H. Stenchstripe said that he was “Very concerned… Radish Isle is a competitor in my eyes. It would be the same as if we bought from another seed company. It will drive sales down overall, not just in sunflower seed sales.” And it’s no wonder he was upset. The importation of seeds would drive down the demand, therefore ruining his plot. In fact, the owner of Cluckworth seeds, Cluckworth III, said he was seriously considering buying seeds from Radish Isle.

Even stranger was the fact that the Cluckworth Seeds’ Head of Distribution said that all their farmers were having a very hard time, and that the shortage is really bad.

After contacting several sunflower farmers around Animalia, however, we found that only a handful in Miniscule County had any problem with their crops, and even less were concerned about a shortage. After a week long investigation, cops had gathered enough evidence to make an arrest. They found that the President and Head of Distribution had planned to drive up all seed prices because of “scarcity”, and then take off with all the companies’ money after a month. The cash, which was estimated to be around 2 or 3 million dollars, would be divided evenly between the two conspirators, and leaving the company in ruin. Police arrested the President of Cluckworth Seed in his office, and the Head of Distribution. Both are awaiting trial, which is scheduled for next week. Cluckworth the III sent out another notice to all customers telling them that there is no sunflower seed shortage, and they can once again purchase seed.

BUSTED: Michael H. Stenchstripe, the former President of Cluckworth Seed, is led away by cops. Artist: Kelley Fesmire