Writing Workshop: Fine Art of Writing

Dancing Word Writers Workshop

with Bryan Davis

January 28, 2006

Hosted by: Anne McDonald

Dancing Word Publisher/Editor

*This chat has been edited for clarity

Anne McDonald: I'll open in prayer, go over protocol, then introduce our workshop professor..

Lord, thank You so much for loving us so much that You take care of small details in our lives... thank You for calling us to write. Help us use our talents in a way that will bless You and others... Bless each of our participants today, and also those who couldn't join us... Especially bless Bryan and give him rest and restoration... In Jesus, name, Amen.

Protocol reminder: Please type ! for comments, ? for questions and ga (short for go ahead) after you have finished typing. Wait to be called on in turn...

Today, I'm honored to introduce a fantasy writer that has made my family sit up and pay attention. Please welcome Bryan Davis.

* Anne McDonald leads the applause

Anne McDonald: Welcome, Bryan. How would you like to handle the workshop? Teach a section and then ask for questions?

*Anne McDonald turns the floor over to Bryan

Bryan Davis: I think I'd like audience participation with each point, if that's okay.

Anne McDonald: What ever you'd like. I'll follow your lead.

* Anne McDonald takes her seat and settles in with her notebook

Bryan Davis: Since I don't know how adept the writers are, I'll assume a range from beginner to intermediate. When I teach young writers, I notice that the most often missed technique is the art of Show, Don't Tell. That means that you need to show what's going on through action rather than telling it through narrative. This is especially effective with emotions. For example, here's a sentence that tells and emotion ...”I didn’t do it,” Carol said angrily. “You’re not being fair.”

I have told you that Carol is angry. If I wanted to show you that Carol is angry, here's a way I would write it ... Carol banged her fist on the table. "I didn’t do it!" She spun around and crossed her arms. "You’re not being fair!" In this example, I didn't tell you that Carol is angry. I showed it to you through her actions. This gives us two advantages. One, it gives us a visual in our minds. We can see this happening.

Two, it gives us emotional common ground. Since many of us have been angry enough to bang our fists, we know what that emotion feels like. We can feel the sense of injustice Carol feels because we may have spun around and crossed our arms. We can feel Carol's angst and anger. So this kind of showing is much more gripping than simply using the adverb, angrily. I'll give an example you can work on.

Okay, here's another sentence that tells: John felt a surge of embarrassment. "I can’t believe I did that!

I have told you that John is embarrassed. You can't see it, and you can't feel it with him. I would like you to rewrite this using showing. Don't use the word embarrassment or any form of it. Write from John's point of view. What would you feel? What body language would you show? What would you do? Let's see what you come up with

Ashleys twin: I turned around as my face turned red. "I can't believe I just did that."

Anne McDonald: John felt the blood rush to his face. "I can't believe I just did that.

Bryan Davis: I'll comment on the two that have been given. Ashleys twin wrote one that indicated a desire to hide. I like that. ...She also wrote that his face turned red. This is a picky critique, but if this is John's point of view, what would be wrong with saying that his face turned red?

Anne McDonald: He can't see himself unless he's looking in a mirror.

Bryan Davis: Exactly right. And Annie wrote her sentence in that way. Annie said that he felt his blood rush to his head. I didn't talk about Point of View, but when we are writing as if we are a certain character, we should write as though we are in his mind, in his skin. John can't see his own face, but he can feel the heat and pressure from the blood rush. Can you see that, Ashleys twin?

Ashleys twin: yes sir.

Noelle: have him put his hand to his forehead... slaps it

Remade Gold: John smacked his forehead. "Idiot..." he muttered to himself.

Bryan Davis: Yep. That works. I can see it and feel it. So, this lesson on show, don't tell should help you to liven up your writing.

Anne McDonald: How about: John wished he could crawl into a hole. "I can't believe I did that."

Bryan Davis:I like that, too. The feeling of wanting to hide is a strong embarrassment factor. Here's one that a student did in one class that I liked a lot ... John slid down in his chair. "I can't believe I did that!" I know that feeling well.

Okay, on to the next lesson. I think a topic that's often missed is the importance of specifics versus generalities. Putting in simple specifics help a story seem real. For example, at the most general level, you might write, "The boy ate dinner." I can't picture that. You might want to change it to ... The pencil-thin boy wolfed three biscuits and washed them down with two tall glasses of milk.

That second sentence, "The pencil-thin boy wolfed three biscuits and washed them down with two tall glasses of milk." gives us a vivid image. The first sentence does not, because it's too general. Young writers often don't get specific because they can picture an image in their minds and they forget that the readers might not be able to.

So, here's another sentence to work on. The man drove his car to work. There are four general words here: man, drove, car, and work. Rewrite the sentence and give me specifics. Go crazy if you want.

Webb kids: Do you always have to put in specifics?

Ashleys twin: The young man drove his 1999 Ford Mustang to work early Monday morning after picking up a biscuit and a soda for breakfast.

Bryan Davis: Not always. This is an exercise. Okay, Ashleys twin. I'll comment on that in a minute.

Noelle: The wide eyed man raced his car past the cops since he was running late to work

Webb kids: Robert drove his B.M.W to LifeWay.

Anne McDonald: Mike swung his battered Chevy Nova into his parking spot into the employee parking lot. “Whew, just in time today.” He grabbed his apron and rushed into the pizza parlor.

Bryan Davis: These are good. Keep it up.

Remade Gold: Jared raced down the sidewalk and around the corner. He nearly pulled the door off getting into the car. For the thousanth time this morning he yearned for wings as he threw the Miata into reverse and squealed out of the driveway. A female shriek made him slam the brakes.Dark leather filled his mirror. "Bonnie! I'm late! How'd you get in--"

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