Dancing Word Writing Workshop

with Barbara Warren

 December 27, 2006

 

Hosted by Anne McDonald

Dancing Word Publisher/Editor

 

*This chat has been edited for clarity.

All works shared during this chat are the sole property of the individual authors and are covered by all applicable copyright laws.

Anne McDonald:  We'll open up in prayer, I'll go over protocol, then introduce tonight's guest.  Lord, thank You so much for seeing us through another day  Thanks for all of Your blessings and for the surprises you tuck into our lives. Please be with our participants tonight, and with our guest.

 

Please also minister to those in the path of winter storms; keep them safe and warm. Give the emergency crews a hedge of protection and extra wisdom. In Jesus' name, Amen

 

Protocol reminder: when the floor is open to questions, please type ? for questions, ! for comments and wait to be called on in turn to keep us from stepping on each others' toes, please type ga when you've finished typing. ga= go ahead.

 

Tonight I'm tickled to be able to welcome Barbara Warren back for another editing workshop. Barbara, thank you so much for taking time to tackle the various WIPs that were sent in.

 

Barbara Warren:  I enjoyed it and they were all very good

 

Anne McDonald:  I'll cut and paste the WIPs one at a time with Barbara's comments and then we can open for questions.

 

Karri Compton's submission -excerpt from The Timepiece

 

* KC bites nails

 

(A note about the story: A young lady receives a pocket watch from her deceased grandfather that causes her to see visions about her estranged father. The scene below goes from third past to third present on purpose--the visions are in present tense as if she were there.)

 

Back at her own place an hour later, T.J. lay on her goose down pillow and traced her fingers over the watch. The metal seemed to pulse and warm at her touch. She held it to her ear and heard the faint mechanized tick-tick-tick-tick. A soothing sound. Something reliable for a change. She hadn't felt as at peace since, well, ever. (I read this sentence over three times because it bothers me. It seems awkward to me. I think it's because as the "as at" anywhay. I'd think about it)

 

Just as the soothing beat began to lull her into a doze, the watch grew hot, causing her to bolt upright in bed. (Okay, I know I don't have enough words to clearly understand this, but why does the watch growing hot cause her to bolt upright in bed? Does she know she's going to see something? It seems to me that the watch is growing hot would cause her to concentrate on the watch, not bolt upright.)

Without warning, she found herself floating in mid air. An ethereal specter, detached but strangely connected somehow to the unfolding scene, she observed: (Okay, if the watch getting hot was an indication she was going to see something then she had a warning. If it wasn't and indication that something might happen, I'm back to the beginning. Why did she bolt upright?)

Blood stains a living room's tattered shag carpet. Wild screams echo off the dingy walls of a cramped, smelly pigsty of a house. A teenage boy cowers in front of a bulky man, who pummels the youth repeatedly and spews curses that would shame a sailor. The boy's fear and hysteria are palpable. His face is twisted in agony. He crawls backward as the man continues pursuing him in rage.

 

“Boy, you're worthless. Can't even stand up for yourself. What good areyou? Your momma's gone and I have to do it all. I'll show you what youget for being lazy…" T.J. averts her gaze as the punches and expletives continue until the drunk colossus drops unconscious to the floor. She has no choice but to follow the boy into his own bedroom. It's as if he beckons her to enter his world. He crouches on the carpet and whispers to himself. "But he may kill me. I have to do better, I…" (This makes me want to read more. Sounds like a good story.)

 

KC:  I'd just like to say thank you for reading, and that it's amazing how different people see different things. I've had this submitted to my critique group and none of them saw the same things you did. I will definitely think about your comments.

Read the rest of the transcript

 

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