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Writers Workshop: Show Vs. Tell
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Dancing Word Writers WorkshopWith Lynn Coleman August 19, 2005
Hosted by: Anne McDonald Dancing Word Publisher/Editor *This chat has been edited for clarity Anne McDonald: We'll open in prayer first, and then I'll go over protocol and introduce our special guest. Lord, thank You so much for loving us, and for calling us to write. Be with everyone tonight, and minister to each of their needs. Be with Lynn tonight as she shares her wisdom with us and help us all become better writers for you. In Jesus' name, Amen. Protocol reminder: Please type ? for questions ! for comments and ga when you are through. Wait to be called on in turn (that keeps us from stepping on each others' toes) Tonight, I'm blessed to be able to introduce best selling author Lynn Coleman who will teach her "Show Vs. Tell" workshop. Lynn, welcome and thanks for coming. * AZAnnie turns the floor over to Lynn and leads the applause Lynn Coleman: Well do you want me to start with a little about myself Anne McDonald: yes, please Lynn Coleman: Well, I'm the author of 22 published titles. I sold my first novel in Oct. 1998. And I was involved with starting American Christian Fiction Writers. It actually stemmed out of my online workshops on iUniverse and AOL a few years ago. I'm married to a great hubby and we have three kids and 8 grandchildren. My husband is the Sr. Pastor of our church and besides being a writer, pastor's wife and grandma I am developing a digital photography habit. If we study the classics you'll find lots of telling but today's author doesn't have the luxury to give paragraphs and pages of description. Nor do we have the option to even tell the story. We are a television and visually media people, so it is extremely important for us to learn to show the story through our writing. I'd like to pass on some quotes that I think we be very helpful in helping you evaluate whether you are showing or telling. Sol Stein in Stein on Writing says: "There are three areas in which the writer is particularly vulnerable to telling rather than showing: When he tells what happened before the story began; When he tells what a character looks like; And when he tells what a character senses, that is, what he sees, hears, smells, touches, and tastes. Those are all places where the author's voice can intrude on the reader’s experience." End of quote from Stein In Self Editing for Fiction Writers by Browne & King says: "But telling your readers about your characters' emotions is not the best way to get your readers involved. Far better to show why your characters feel the way they do.” It's easier to simply say, "Erma was depressed" than to come up with some original bit of action that shows she's depressed. But if you have her take one bite of her favorite cake and push the rest away (or have her polish off the whole cake), you will have given your readers a far better feel for her depression than you could by simply describing it. It is nearly always best to RESIST the URGE to EXPLAIN (or, as we so often write it in manuscript margins R.U.E.)." —caps mine in the three words— End of quote from Browne & King Next I'd like to give you some examples: At first I was going to write some of my own but Stein has a great one that I thought I’d pass on. "He took a walk. Tells. He walked four blocks. Begins to show. He walked the four blocks slowly. Shows more clearly. He walked the four blocks as if it were the last mile. Shows more by giving the reader a sense of the character’s feelings, which the previous version did not. He walked as if against an unseen wind, hoping someone would stop him. Shows most of all because it gives the reader a sense of what the character desperately wants." —End of Example from Stein— Learning to see when you’re telling versus showing is one of the hardest challenges that faces some writers. I know I still struggle with it. It is far easier for me to see it in other people’s writing than my own. There are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you self-edit. Are you allowing the reader to see what's going on? Are you naming emotions? Are you telling through unnecessary conversation? Can you use an action instead of telling the emotion or senses of the character? For me, I don’t worry about telling when I’m writing the first draft of the story. Instead I concentrate on showing when I’m editing. The above questions and being mindful of R.U.E. and help me to edit my telling to showing. However don't forget, there are times when we need to tell. It helps with the pace of the story but as often as possible show. Anne McDonald: Lynn, I've seen a lot of different schools of thought regarding adverbs. What is your take? Lynn Coleman: I've found sometimes they are just what are needed to help the sentence. To help picture the scene, but it is sometimes too easy to fall back on them as with anything, ask yourself is this the best way for the scene to progress, or is there a better way to write it, something that will put the reader into the action or feelings of the characters? Anne McDonald: For me, an adverb is the signal that a better verb is needed. Lynn Coleman: Most of the time, I believe that's true. Who here has been told they need to show not tell? Rich Bullock: Me Gina: raises hand Lynn Coleman: add mine in there too Heather: me Ellie Schroder: my hand is also raised Laura: me too Lynn Coleman: In fact, just this week a crit came back pointing out I was telling <G> That's why I feel this is such a hard one. I think Stein's book handles it the best with actual examples But Browne & Kings book is helpful to ask some of the questions you need to ask yourself for self-editing. Did you catch the comment from Stein when he spoke of the five senses? We're told as writers to get into the POV of the character by using the five senses. The key in that is to not simply describe or tell what they are sensing. Does that make sense? Embellished: Are you saying we shouldn't say... he tasted the ice cream... (not good use of the sense)... but something more like vanilla ice cream melted in his mouth... (I know poor writing, go with me) Lynn Coleman: I understand what you're saying, but yes that's it; give action to the senses as often as possible have the reader feel the ice cream melting on the character's tongue or dripping down their arm. However, when you are writing for pace and you need to move the scene forward quickly you would tell if it is important to the story For example: Did the character get sick from the ice cream but it doesn't come up (sorry about that) until later. Does that help Embellished? Embellished: Yes, thank you. Lynn Coleman: You're welcome. Laura: What about showing the setting? That is my biggest thing. I can try to describe it but my crit partners sometimes say they don't get a feel for it. Like if they were in a poolroom or something - is that someplace you'd have to use the 5 senses Lynn Coleman: Ah, how does the setting make the character feel? What is he or she seeing, smelling, hearing, etc and how does the character react to it? Laura: oh okay. So like he hears the balls clacking, etc. Lynn Coleman: yes, and the smell of beer, stale cigarettes. The clacking of the balls could send him back to an earlier time or a pleasant memory. Or perhaps the clacking of the balls caused his backbone to become ridged, remembering the time when the ball smacked him upside the head. Does that make sense? Also remember not to use all five senses in one paragraph. Don't overloaded the reader—remember RUE Embellished: I write first person (and have cut 50K words from my m/s to bring it to 135K)... so sometimes I take a short cut with telling. I felt weary.... because it takes less words. Is that okay since it is first person? Lynn Coleman: Showing in first person is more difficult imho (in my humble opinion). Cutting is good. You'll be surprised how much more an editor can cut from your manuscript. I know I am. But in the end it's good because it's tighter. You can use telling in first person just by fact that it is first person you have to use it sometimes. But ask yourself: Can I rewrite this another way? Do I need to say this? Is it important to the plot? Is it unnecessary information? If you don't need to say she's weary because she collapsed in the chair. You've shown rather than told. Does that make sense to you Embellished? Embellished: Yes, and I think I can look for ways I've already shown and cut more. Thank you. Lynn Coleman: welcome. Cut as much as you can. Trust me the editors will cut more. hehe Anne McDonald: A certain editor told me not to use "ing" verbs. What is your view? Lynn Coleman: lol, I’m not an editor, so I use them <G> but I do try to ask myself if I need to. Is there a stronger way to say this? Always ask yourself. You'll be surprised how much time you can spend in editing if you go over each line, each sentence and ask a lot of questions. Gina: While we're on the subject, on ing verbs... Lynn Coleman: hehe Gina: Is it okay to use the ing verb to change sentence structure for variety, for instance: Instead of beginning each sentence with he. Lynn Coleman: first, the verb is no longer a verb with ing on it. ga with your example Gina: Say, "keeping his back straight, he reached ... instead of He kept his back straight. Lynn Coleman: Give me the full sentence to think on it Gina: Didn't have one. But, I use that trick to change up sentence structure for variety. Does that make sense? Lynn Coleman: Yes. I was going to say while you were writing out the sentence. That I'll occasionally start a sentence that way to give variety, but only if it makes it stronger. I might go: Ramrod straight he reached for the fifty on the counter, but I'd have to know why he was straight. Does that make sense? Gina: Yes, it's okay but make sure it’s strong, and don't over do it? Lynn Coleman: exactly. Any more questions? Ellie Schroder: Could the above sentence start: "With back straightened, he reached..." or should you not start that way? Lynn Coleman: telling. “With back” is telling Ellie Schroder: LOL there ya go then LOL. How many adjectives is too many? Lynn Coleman: I try to limit to one, but I've been known to use two. <G> I think I even used three once. Probably was a little over the top on that one. Heather: lol Lynn Coleman: general rule none if a stronger noun is out there, but one is best. Ellie Schroder: Is it a case then of finding the best adjective possible for the piece? Lynn Coleman: Exactly old brown house. Rustic house. Dilapidated house. Embellished: This is a question about showing other characters through first person.... Lynn Coleman: k Embellished: Here's a line from my m/s...Edward set the purse down between us and pretended to inspect crumbling plaster. Since I'm using first person. Do I need to justify why my character thinks this... ex: Running his hand over a crack in the wall... or can I just show the world through her eyes? Lynn Coleman: It's fine, just trying to think of a possibly stronger word. It's showing but just a little bit. Is there a way to show with the action he's doing to make it stronger? Embellished: Well, what I'm trying to show is he's being shy in this scene (the purse is a gift)...does that change it? Or is it still showing just a little bit? Lynn Coleman: then I'd use a softer verb then set, set is a stronger action, confident one. Edward eased the purse between us. Embellished: wow... I see what you're saying nevada: Can I make a comment on embellishment's sentence that has nothing to with show vs.tell? Just a little bit. Lynn Coleman: sure nevada: using the verb “pretended” is a shift in POV since the narrator doesn’t know that he's pretending. So maybe say that he picks at the crumbling plaster or something. That shows he's avoiding without getting into his head. Ellie Schroder: We have a winner for the drawing of Lynn's latest novel, Fighting for Bread and Roses. And the winner is...Gina! Lynn Coleman: Congrats Gina Gina: Hooray!!!!!! Gregg Hart: YAY Ellie Schroder: Congrats, Gina! Lynn, thank you for donating the book. :-) Lynn Coleman: You're welcome. Love receiving free books myself <G> Anne McDonald: Thank you, Lynn, for donating the book. Really appreciate it. Lynn Coleman: No problem, glad to do it. To conclude I'd say always ask yourself if you can write something a wee bit stronger and in as few words as possible. There is a time and place for telling but keep it brief and limited to times when pacing is very important to move the story along. Laura: I have a question not related to showing – Lynn Coleman: What's the question Laura? Laura: Lynn, I had a manuscript requested in whole and I was starting to make changes when more came in—how is the best way to go back and work my changes back in to the manuscript they want me to work off of now? Lynn Coleman: Okay, first question is this a sold manuscript to a publisher? Laura: No, not sold, just requested in full. Lynn Coleman: Who requested the changes, the publisher or yourself? Laura: the agent Lynn Coleman: Ah, make the changes the agent wants. Laura: Yes, which I am willing to do, but I'm confused how best to do it. She has a manuscript she wants me to work off of, but I had already made changes in mine that isn't in hers. Lynn Coleman: Use that one the agent has Laura: And go back and try to find all my changes, or just forget them? Lynn Coleman: Add the changes you made if they don't conflict with the changes the agent wants. prncssdyn: I tend to do mostly reflective journal style pieces, how do I avoid overdosing the reader with telling? Lynn Coleman: Prn as for the journaling, more than likely it's first person, am I right? prncssdyn: yes Lynn Coleman: okay not telling in first person is hard prncssdyn: any little tricks or tips? Lynn Coleman: lol, hang on. Here's an example for a bit. “Finished!” Randall dusted off his hands. “Can you believe we’re finally ready? I know it’s hard, Eliza, but the Lord is going to bless us. And every one that hath forsaken.” I placed my fingers to his lips. “Sh, I know, dear.” I’d heard the verse enough over the years I could continue the quote: “houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” Matt. 19:29 “Sorry, I’m just so excited. It’s finally going to happen.” Smiling, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, showing my support even though I still had fears about leaving. I knew it was the right thing. Randall was needed on the mission field. The phone rattled. We both turned and looked at the phone hanging on the wall and waited to see if the ringing was for us or the other family on our party-line. The double ring sounded and I reached for the heavy black receiver. “Hello?” Okay that's enough. This is a current WIP proposal in first person obviously. prncssdyn: niceee I tend to do mostly reflective journal style pieces, how do I avoid overdosing the reader with telling? Lynn Coleman: But I think it gives you some of the internal—some telling and some showing—at least I hope it does. <G> Gina: I get tired of showing fear the same way over and over: Heart pounding, insides twist, that type of thing. Lynn Coleman: Good question, btw. My answer would be to come up with something unique that happened to your character in their past and a unique reaction to it—something personal and yet related in some way to the incident. Then, when the reader sees her flick her hair with a curt nod of the head, the reader knows she's afraid but the person who is seeing her in the story doesn't have a clue and probably thinks she's being arrogant. Ellie Schroder: It does, a little of both prncssdyn: yes, now I just have to figure out how you did it, so I can emulate Lynn Coleman: practice Lamp: Is it really detrimental to the story to tell if it's a journal? Lynn Coleman: The key, Lamp, is to show when at all possible. If it will mess with pace, don't. But if you can show, you're getting into the characters head and your reader will get into the story, better at least that's the goal Heather: what's bad is when someone that crits your stuff doesn't know anything about first person and slams you on telling vs showing. Ellie Schroder: So the goal would be to show the story unfolding as through the eyes of the first person? Lynn Coleman: Yes. First person tends to be in present tense, like Bridget Jones.... i.e. "Note to Self" prncssdyn: Even in a diary? Lynn Coleman: Okay if you are writing the actual diary page it is different, because you are doing what the character is doing prncssdyn: i don't understand, Lynn Lynn Coleman: If you spearse it with internal thought, possibly contrary to what she/he is writing, you have conflict, it's still first person. But you're giving the actual words the character is writing. prncssdyn: I realize that, but...oh ok, you just answered my next question amiec: When writing in 3rd person limited, is it ever okay to jump into another characters head mid-scene Lynn Coleman: lol, yes. But know why you are doing amiec: if I want to have another character describe the pr Lynn Coleman: In other words in third person and for publishers with strick pov policies amiec: exactly Lynn Coleman: You need to have a compelling reason to do it. Possibly. It really depends if the story needs to be jarred by the intrusion of the other POV, which is a great technique, imho. amiec: If it is necessary to convey information on a character at that moment in the scene, and it would be wrong to come in the protagonist POV. Lamp: I was wondering if it was okay, then, to switch around POV like that? One time I wrote a scene, and Annie told me that I had POV switch in the middle ... so it -can- be done, then? Lynn Coleman: I have done it Lamp but you have to be able to defend why to the publisher if they are strict with POV. Lamp: Thanks. pub2b: What is a good percentage of show to tell, obviously cant have 100% each. Lynn Coleman: I couldn't break that down for you. Each book and each story has it's own unique voice and pacing. So what might be good for one book may not be for another. Sorry. pub2b: well at least you confirmed for me that it is okay to have some of each, thanks Heather: Thank you Lynn. I learned something tonight. And I'm glad you confirmed that it is hard not to tell in first. Lynn Coleman: Very, Heather Anne McDonald: Thank you, Lynn. As usual you did great! Lynn Coleman: Thank you for having me, Annie Gina: Thank you for teaching us and in advance for the free book Laura: Thanks for your time, Lynn. I really appreciate this! Embellished: Thank you! Gregg Hart: Yes! Thank you Heather: Thank you Lynn! Lamp: Well, I'm sure I'll enjoy reading the transcript -- I missed the workshop again! Lynn Coleman: You're all welcome Ellie Schroder: Yay Lynn, that was great Rich Bullock: Thanks, Lynn. Every example helps. Lynn Coleman: It was workshops like this that helped me get published prncssdyn: Thanks Lynn Lisa: Thanks, Lynn Ellie Schroder: I so remember your workshops, they were awesome! prncssdyn: I wonder if anyone else was trying madly to take notes and fell behind because they couldn't cut and paste? Lynn Coleman: lol Anne McDonald: I'll have the transcript posted by Monday, Prncess Laura: Oh, I did that before. But it will be on transcript Lynn Coleman: get a copy of the transcript prncssdyn: whewwww...thanks Annie Ellie Schroder: there will be a transcript available on the Dancing Word website for you to takes notes from. ANNOUNCEMENT: Next week's workshop is with content editor Barbara Warren, who has worked with authors such as Hannah Alexander. Please bring some scenes with you that you would like to work on with her. prncssdyn: It's been a pleasure, I'll say thanks again and good night to all. Ellie Schroder: Thanks for being a great sport, Lynn, taking the extra time with us. Dancing Word Chats Is A Production Of Dancing Word Writers Network
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Lynn Coleman
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